Corrections · 7
People may consider music to be only a form of entertainment, but surveys have shown that music can improve one's health. Music is my hobby. I grew up in a musician's family, and I have inherited my musical skill from my parents. I started practicing piano when I was just five years old.
Music provides encouragement, especially when people are not in a good mood. In addition, one may relate songs with people they have met, or places they have been. Music can transmit many feelings.
Listening to music is recommended for babies, because it benefits their development. I recommend that adults listen to music as well; not only for entertainment, but also for the reduction of stress and anxiety.
Lucia,
Good writing. I have formatted a few sentences differently for readability and word-flow. Consider avoiding writing in the second-person voice (you, yours). The third-person voice (one, they, their) is appropriate for argument papers like this. Thank you.
Music
Nowadays, people use music as a way of entertainment, but various surveys have shown that music can help you to be healthier.
Music is my hobby. I've played the piano since I was five years old, I grew up in a musician's family maybe that's the reason I inherited this skill.
Music can encourage you even when you are not in a good mood. In addition, when you are listening to music you can relate a song with people that you've met or beautiful places that you've been. It can transmit so many feelings!
Music is recommended for babies, it benefits their development. It should be also recommended for adults, not only as a way of entertainment but also as a way to reduce stress and anxiety.
Great job!
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
