Corrections · 6
I know that many people love soccer, so I wanted to share information about a Spanish-language app called "TCS Deportes" [Telecorporación Salvadoreña (TCS)]. Soccer fans may install it on their mobile devices. I hope everyone is enjoying watching the World Cup.
. . . another way of writing this.
World Cup
Hello everybody! I know some people like soccer, so I want to share this App with all of you. I hope it works for you too, it's called 'TCS Deportes' (it's in Spanish). Tou can try it on your mobile =D, and I hope you enjoy watching the World Cup.
Regards!
Notes: Really good sentencing, but make sure you punctualize (use dots and commas) better, as reading like this in one whole go doesn't properly show the flow of the story.
World Cup
Hello everybody everyone (is more commonly used) (Also, when using a greeting, the body of your paragraph starts on the next line) I know some people of you like soccer, so I want to share this App with all of you. I hope it works for you too, it's with all of you, It's called, 'TCS Deportes' (is as in Spanish). You can try it on your mobile phone. =D, and I hope you enjoy watching the World Cup.
Regards!
Hi Gris,
This is really good. Just a few pointers, the version that Daniel wrote is a better way to write it, but i also wanted to give you a version closer to what you wrote. The biggest difference is, you began talking about "people" then you switched to talk directly to your reader using the word "you". Daniel made it uniform by rewriting your paragraph talking to "people" in general. This version Is talking to your readers using the word "you" instead of people.
The single quotation marks you used 'TCS Deportes' are correct for British English. American English uses the double quotation marks. It's not wrong, just wanted you to know the distinction between the two. I can explain more when we chat!
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