-Winter- Rain, wind, wood scent and me. It is so cold; I think it is winter because I can smell the magical dust-rain mixture. My eyes are wide open, I need to sleep but my head won’t stop spinning, I guess because I forgot to take my night pills, I hate pills they make me feel sick and useless. There is a weird sound downstairs, is he back? Is he finally here? I need to see him, I do… I have to. I think if I could see him now my head would stop spinning. The kitchen, I think he is in the kitchen, eating he is favorite apple pie, that I baked for him this afternoon I added some dark chocolate because he likes dark chocolate. He is not there; he must be in the living room lying on his black sofa, and he must be tired, I will get him a blanket; it is so cold; I think it is winter. Here he is, sleeping like an angle, I missed him so much; he looks so tired and weak; I missed him I really do. Now I can feel his breath on my cold skin, he opened his eyes. I am smiling, he is smiling back. My hands are holding his, I am so cold and he is so warm, he held me so tight. He said something, but I couldn’t hear it. “Honey what you said? I couldn’t hear you”, his voice is vanishing, I opened my eyes; he is gone. Tears… I am so cold. A warm hand is holding my hand, he is back, he is here again; I opened my eyes. It is dark, I closed my eyes and I reopened them again, I am alone, no one is there; a cold breeze covered my body, I lifted my head, the window is opened. I turned my head left, he is not there; his pillow and the blanket are still there. Tears … It has been 10 years since he … died, a whole 10 years. Why am I still crying? Why am I still dreaming about him? I hate him for making me this miserable, he said he won’t leave me, but he did. How could someone forget his first love, first dream, first sin and his first mistake? Have you ever forgotten how to breathe? Yes, I do. To forget, no one asked me to forget. Everybody said you don’t have too, no one will take his place; he is your first. You will know when it is time to leave everything behind and to move on. Because I couldn’t forget I couldn’t move on and because he is my first I couldn’t forget. I need my pills, my headache is getting worse. How many pills do I need; one, two, three or more. The ground is so cold, I think, I don’t think... I will stop thinking for now. The room is getting dark, my eyes are closing; I can’t breathe. How much time do we need to forget and to move on? Eternity…