HELP ME ㅠㅠ

When I was in elementary school, I joined one club activity called “전래동요” which means traditional songs. At first, I joined that club because of my mother’s suggestion. At that time, I was a  very shy and passive kid. When I had to do my  introduce myself to self-introducing in front of my classmates, I was just crying even before saying “hello” to my friends. So my mother wanted me to be a more brave kids braver child and then she suggested  singing Korean traditional music to me. I joined that club around 4 years at my age 10 to 13. I get a lot of chances to perform my singing at the National Center for Korean Traditional Performing Arts and other Korean traditional Musci festivals. But after I graduated from elementary school, I didn’t have any chance to learn and enjoy the Korean traditional music during my middle and high schooling. The Korean traditional music which I learned when I was kids a child is not only excited just for me but also with my friends and audiences.

I think the Traditional Music from all the each countries reveals the spirit and culture of its real people’s real  thought. Korean music contains the Korean distinct feeling ‘Han (恨)’, which is similar with to sorrow and resentful but different. And it can also reveal the culture of our ancestors just like the people in Korea believe that when the person died the body is dead but the spirit is still alive. So in Jongmyo there is the way that only the previous king’s spirits can go through.

Through this class I can get not only academic knowledge of Gukak, but also I can recall my memory at my of elementary school. For example, from the information of the Jongmyo Jeryeak I can get the knowledge about the structure of Jongmyo such as Jungjeon and youngneongjeon. And from the all kinds of instrument that are used in Jongmyo Jereak I can recall the memory that I played the Daegeum and Janggu when I was young. So I hope that students who listen take this lesson with me in this semester, will enjoy the Korean Traditional Music. And I’m sure that many international students from other countries will can be more favorable to Korean things. ‘Gukak’ is not that the  formal and strict music just like other western music such as western music and  opera. I think ’Gukak’ can be completed by the singers and audiences. So I just want to be more conative and active audience in the Gukak concert. Therefore I hope to learn how to enjoy the real ‘Gukak’ and how to have a  active audience in this course.

Note: I have kept close to your original text.

you could say instead of "braver child"  " a more courageous child""

you could say instead of "I get a lot of chances to perform my singing" "I had many chances to perform my singing"

Moving "real people's thought" to "people's real thought" applies the word real to thought rather than people. So real thought not real people

"can be more favorable" to "will be more favorable".  Can be implies the potential to be favorable. Will be implies your hope that they are more favorable.

favorable is the US spelling. UK spelling is favourable.

I am not sure about this sentence - the word conative - perhaps cognitive ?

So I just want to be more conative and active audience in the Gukak concert.

so perhaps

So I just want to have a more cognitive and active audience during a Gukak concert.

My concluding comments.

I agree that Korean music is very interesting. You have written well and demonstrated your passion for your cultural inheritance. Seen from afar as I have to, Korea seems to be doing a great job in this area.

A question for you. What is the role of the singer at the end of a performance, suddenly stretching out their right hand and turning up a finger ? What does it signify ?