An Essay of IELTS Writing.

Please, help me to correct it or guide me how to write in a better way!!!

Today, some companies employ the an equal number men and women to work. Is it a positive or negative development?

The issue of whether employing the an equal number of men and women workers by some companies has been debated widely. Some people think that this has a lot of drawbacks. Others believe that this is an extremely good development. The following essay will consider whether this trend is positive or negative. [This paragraph is verbose. It contains no useful information.]
To begin with, it is generally agreed that this trend is rather good[Avoid words like "good". Use descriptive words.], since it shows that women have got equal treatment.[Agreed generally? Do not make this kind of unsupported statement in an essay.] It is remarkable revolution in Eliminating the discrimination between two the genders, which did not happen in the past, is revolutionary. Women, nowadays, are free to dedicate their talents, talent and knowledge for the society and for [parallel structure]the development of the economy. In some cases, the chances of success of for women are highly higher than those of for men. Taking Take the field of communications, for instance. Women are often better than men at persuading customers to sign contracts, bringing more benefits to their companies.[Use an example to illustrate this point.] 
However, this trend is not totally free from drawbacks. Hiring the an equal number of men and women sometimes does not meet the requirements of some companies. For example, fewer women are found in some kinds of firms, such as in steel factories, or the automobile industry, whereas a lot of women are working in many textile companies.[Expand on this point.] Moreover, firms face the dilemma of either paying salaries for women while they are off, giving a birth to a baby or hiring men workers.
In conclusion, if companies would employ the an equal number of both genders, they would benefit mutually. Besides of the above benefits[You have really only stated one benefit.], there may have be some trades off trade-offs because of the work characteristics of the works. However, these disadvantages would be reduced by the talents of CEOs in running companies, such as, assigning workers to appropriate positions, both men and women, and hiring temporary employees while there potential ones are off as necessary. [The conclusion contains too much detail, plus points not previously discussed.]

If possible, please do me a favor by supporting me with more phrases used in writing this topic!!! I appreciate this so much.

[When faced with this kind of topic, avoid talking about advantages AND disadvantages, unless you want to write a compare-and-contrast essay, which is a difficult format. State a thesis and support it with details. Be original. Startle your readers.]