My Best Friend

My best friend is named Wen.
She is a beautiful girl with the black and long, black hair, long legs and her smile is sunshine.
We are junior high school students, and sat at a the same table for one year.
She is very friendly and has many friends.
We often go shopping, watch films, eat some wonderful food or sing songs together.
She had some trouble recently. She and her boyfriend broke up and she is broken hearted.
She was very sad. I told her that "Don't worry about it, and you will meet someone better than him tomorrow.  There are so many good men all over the world and you can find your Mr. Right someday."

Always start sentences with capitals. Also titles, like Mr. and names, Right. (Common problem with Chinese writers, this must not be taught there!)

Double quotes " better around dialog

'her smile is sunshine' is a very nice metaphor!  So much better than a simile, 'her smile is like sunshine'

'the same table' because it is a particular table, not any table

Good work with sentences and verbs, nicely written!

My Best Friend

My best friend is named Wen.
She is a beautiful girl with the long, black hair, long legs and her smile is sunshine.
We are junior high school students and sat at the same table for one year.
She is very friendly and has many friends.
We often go shopping, watch films, eat wonderful food or sing songs together.
She had some trouble recently. She and her boyfriend broke up and she is brokenhearted.
She was very sad. I told her "don't worry about it and you will meet one better than him tomorrow.
There are so many good men all over the world and you can find your Mr. Right someday."

My Best Friend

My best friend's name is Wen.
She is a beautiful girl with_black and long hair. She has long legs and a sunny smile.
We are junior high school students and sat at a same desk for one year.
She is very sociable, so she has many friends.
We often go shopping, watch films, eat some wonderful food or sing songs together.
She had some trouble recently, though. She and her boyfriend broke up and now she is brokenhearted.
She is very sad. I told her not to worry about it because she will meet a better guy soon.
"There are so many good men all over the world. You can find your Mr.Right someday."