The day in the red leaves valley

Yestoday I had a trip with my friend QIQI and her gril friend Bai. We went to a place called Red Leaves valley. Actually they had driven me there. It was a event held up by the BMW company. All of the 30 BMW clients had all 30 had BMW cars, and of course each driver can bring two people with them.
I got up at 5:30 and had went to QIQI's house frist, I thought I could eat breakfast in her house, but they had nothing, so we had to wait to eat 9 hours later. That's sad! First we had to drive to the BMW company to wait for the other 30 cars, and also had to put some advertisement paper outside the car to show people, and put numbers behind our car, so the car behind us won't get lost. Because of the places we were going are really beautiful, so the BMW also made a photo contest about cars and fun! After all the preparation we started driving at 8:00.
We are no.5, The lead no.1 car was really fast, so we almost got lost, and we had to stop several times in the street fork to ask others.
The view on the way was very nice and also it was a good weather. There were white clouds between the sky and ground, and the wind made the sound in golden corn field . I nearly forgot the things that had bothered me recently.
After a long way we had arrived there, but it was a pity that there were not many red leaves left. Most of the trees had no leaves at all, but the guide girl still took us in a big group to many places. In one of the places there was a small waterfall, which was the best view in this trip, except that we had to took many stairs in that high moutain. However, it was still pretty good, the air was fresh, the stream was next to us all the way along. And the best thing was that I had taken Baozhu with me, and I also took many pictures of Baozhu, Although I got a lot of strange stares, but I was still really happy.
After finishing all the climbing thing, we finilly can got to eat. The food was so nice, there was a big restaurant with a big hall, so it could seat all of us people sit in. There were more than ten dishes, five were different kinds of fish cooked by different ways. I had eaten a lot and fast. I thought the girl was sitting across the table to me was watching at me all the time. Oh! Who cares! We were all strangers, so nobody have knew each other.

When we drove back, the day was getting dark and we totally drop the team and got lost on the highway. We met the other three cars in a fork. We called the lead car, then we found the way back home! the lead car made everybody not happy. Stupid BMW staff！

[Basically good work.  Do not try to put some many independent phrases together with commas.  Also, 'and' should only appear once in a single sentence, except under special situations.  Remember you capitalization and your tenses, especially with modal verbs.]

The day in the Red Leaves Valley

Yesterday, I had a trip with my friend QIQI and her gril friend Bai. We went to a place called Red Leaves Valley, actually they had driven me there before. This was an event held by the BMW company. The BMW had  30 client who had BMW cars, and of course each driver could bring two people to go.
I got up at 5:30 and went to QIQI's house first. I thought I could eat breakfast in her house, but they had nothing, so we had to wait to eat 9 hours later. That's too sad! First, we had to drove to the BMW company to wait for other 30 cars, and also had to put some advertisement paper outside the car to attract people, and put a  number behind our car, so the car behind us won't get lost. Because of the places we were going to is really beautiful, so the BMW also made a photo contest about cars and fun! After all the preparation we had stated driven at 8:00.
We were the  no.5 car, The lead no.1 was really fast, so we almost got lost. We had to stop several times in the street fork to ask others.
The views on the way was so nice and  it was a good weather too. The clouds were white and  the wind whispered in golden cornfield . I nearly forgot the things that had been bothering me recently.
After a long way we arrived there, but in such a pity there were not much red leaves left. Most of the trees had no leaf at all. But the guild gril still took us the big group to many places, there was a small
waterfall, which was the best view in this trip. Additionally, we had to took many stairs in that high mountain. But it was still pretty good, the air was fresh,  and there was a stream next to us all the way along. And the best thing was I had took Baozhu with me, and I also took many pictures of Baozhu, Although I got a lot of strange stares, but I was still really happy.
Having finished all the climbing thing, we finally can got to eat, the food was so nice, there was a big restaurant with a big hall, so it can make all of us people sit in. There were more than ten dishes, five of which were different kinds of fishes cooked in different ways. I had eaten a lot and fast, I thougt the girl sitting across the table from me was staring at me all the time. oh! Who cares! We were all stranges, nobody had knew each other. 

When we drove back, the day was getting dark and we totally dropped the team and got lost on the high way, and we were meeting the other three cars in a fork. Then, we called the lead car  and we got the way back home! The lead car made everybody not happy. Stupid BMW staff！