Corrections or comments are most welcome - Enquire letter -

Dear Sir/Madam; 
I am writing to enquire of a parcel sent on August 22, Thursday to Subang, Selangor.It was sent from Kota Kinabalu Sabah. It is a small, white parcel weighing about 0.4kg, with the recipient address written on it. For such a formal sounding letter, scribbled is too informal in my oppinion.

To my surprise, it has not arrived yet. According to my calculations, it has been five days since the delivery, not counting the weekend.
Does it usually take that long for a standard shipment? I would be delighted if you would check the consignment number of EF 017269692 MY and update me with the progress.
Looking forward to your reply. 
 
Sincerely, Or something like cordially.  

Aini. First and Last name.

And yes, standard shipment can take anywhere from 7-10 workdays. Don't worry!