First of all, i have to say that i ram really thankful because of your enthusiasm. And then, i would appreciate if you can show me how to right these wrongs. There is my idea:

       -"Hence, its benefits are not completely deniable whereas the world is fulfilled by the vast of interfering information network."

     => i knew that the way i used "interfering information network" is unreasonable. In this case, i want to say that: nowadays, information is so immense that it appears everywhere and it leads for the people to find it easy to approach any information. And this situation must become a saturate. In fact, advertisement appearance is useful to show the availability of product.

       -"The customers would be easier in choosing an appropriate multifunction Sony television via the commercial advertisement followed their personal plates and requirements."

      => This is an example to identify my above idea. I want to say that commercial ads on the TV would make the customers know clearly the features and models of products. And they will chose which one is appropriate for them, for their plates, their requirements.

       -"On the contrary, if there did not have the appearance of banner, billboard, commercial, flyer, brochures and etc. the interaction between consumers and products, or demand and supply in general would not coincide at a balancing point."

      => I mean that it would lead to the informative inequality situation. To be more precise, the customers do not know whether any products would satisfy them unless the enterprises carry out a promotional campaign for their products.

       -" the release of any product or services would rather conduct => when i review my essay, i also recognized this sentences was bad. I want to say that the firm would conduct the promotion campaign. And another question, can i use the passive form in here: "the release of any product or services would be rather conducted"

Thanks a lot.

Respect.

Hi guys,  have just completed an IELTS essay,so,   if you have free time, please let me know your comment

[This below essay is followed the form of IELTS  writing task in Academic]

Advertisement encourages consumers to buy in bulk, whereas it should promote high quality of the products sold. Do you agree or disagree?

The last one hundred  years has witnessed a considerable development of advertisement.

This phenomenon raises   certain valid arguments as to whether it is a useful tool due to boost mass production purchasing. Despite the fact that some people believe that the firms should pay attention in improving quality of their goods I firmly contend that the advertisement has  positive effects to the volume of consumption. Analyzing both the opponents as well as the advocates which are demonstrated below would clearly testify   to it.

First of all, according to economic theories, advertisement is one of the critical channels of promotion processes which is involved in marketing administration. Hence, its benefits are not completely deniable whereas the world is fulfilled by the vast of interfering information network. [This is extremely difficult to correct or work with.  First, it is not clear that he  information is relevant.  Second,  one must ask about the way in  which any information is "interefering"  as a  "network". So, it is unclear in its meaning May.]

The customers would be easier in choosing an appropriate multifunction Sony television via the commercial advertisement followed their personal plates and requirements. (This sentence also is unclar in its meaning.   On the contrary, if there did not have the appearance of banner, billboard, commercial, flyer, brochures and etc. the interaction between consumers and products, or demand and supply in general would not coincide at a balancing point. [Again,  vague meaning. For example, what factual data exists concerning a BALANCING POINT?     What is  the INTERACTION betwee consumers and products?   Why should SUPPLY & DEMAND  COINCIDE?  Advertisement of  consumer goods, does not ensure that the goods  meet the  demand of the consumer Quality.  All the advertising does is inform the public that some product is available.  Quality  is the issue that appears in the opening question, remember?] On the other hand [ALTERNATIVELY is a much better expression than OTOH], the dependence upon this promotion measure [Which "promotion measure"?]is virtually inefficient without the concentration on qualifying the products. In other words, quality is always, or will be the crucial issue  in any purchasing decisions. A Samsung television brand would have    impressive   turn over without    a strong promotion campaign if the customers communicated their compliments to  others by word of mouth. Moreover, the extra-promotion would turn out to be  a curse, not a blessing,  [Yes, of course,  but you have not identified a specific "extra-promotion". Which "extra promotion are you referring to?  if the experience is put over the expectation of customers.            

    In conclusion, everything has two  sides like a coin: the risk and the benefit. To put it simply, the advantages of this approach would seem to outweigh its drawbacks. In my opinion, the release of any product or services would rather conduct [yes, but PRODUCTS  AND SERVICES do not "conduct" anything.]    with their high-speed activities of promotion campaign. [you might say,  "with their high speed  promotional campaign.--BB]

First of all, i have to say that i ram really thankful because of your enthusiasm. And then, i would appreciate if you can show me how to right these wrongs. There is my idea: -Hence, its benefits are not completely deniable whereas the world is fulfilled by the vast of interfering information network. => i knew that the way i used "interfering information network" is unreasonable. In this case, i want to say that: nowadays, information is so immense that it appears everywhere and it leads for the people to find it easy to approach any information. And this situation must become a saturate. In fact, advertisement appearance is useful to show the availability of product. -The customers would be easier in choosing an appropriate multifunction Sony television via the commercial advertisement followed their personal plates and requirements. => This is an example to identify my above idea. I want to say that commercial ads on the TV would make the customers know clearly the features and models of products. And they will chose which one is appropriate for them, for their plates, their requirements. -On the contrary, if there did not have the appearance of banner, billboard, commercial, flyer, brochures and etc. the interaction between consumers and products, or demand and supply in general would not coincide at a balancing point. => I mean that it would lead to the informative inequality situation. To be more precise, the customers do not know whether any products would satisfy them unless the enterprises carry out a promotional campaign for their products. - the release of any product or services would rather conduct => when i review my essay, i also recognized this sentences was bad. I want to say that the firm would conduct the promotion campaign. And another question, can i use the passive form in here: "the release of any product or services would be rather conducted" Thanks a lot. Respect.