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China flagmarkma
Just Got back from Shanghai World Expo last week I was emerging myself in the grand world expo provillions of countries, maping, fast moving, looking for, fixing, waiting for the looooong queue, so boring, at last entering, admiring, studing, wowing, appreciating, cameraing, satifying..... which could be concluded with feeling excited and really exausted...but memorable indeed~~~ Maybe it is a good topic for your discuss and would like to share my experience if sb needs.

Corrections · 6

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I just got back from the Shanghai World Expo

Last week I was immersing myself in the Grand World Expo at Shanghai. I visited the pavilions of many countries, maping, fast moving, looking for , fixing (mapping what? what was fast moving? looking for what? fixing what? be specific, it's difficult to correct, unless i guess or make it up myself), waiting in the looooong queues, it was so boring. At last on entering, i could admire, study, wowing(?), appreciate, cameraing(not a word, say "take pictures of"), satifying (not sure)..... which I  could be concluded with feeling excitement and really exhaustion...but that it was memorable indeed~~~
Maybe it  this is a good topic for you to discuss, and I would like to share my experience if somebody needs.

My comments:
You need to pay a lot of attention to the words you use when you mix long descriptive sentences, "maping, fast moving, looking for , fixing" and " At last on entering, i could admiring, studing, wowing, appreciating, cameraing, satifying....." especially. What these sentences need is a collective focus, which needs to be added at the start or the end. Also, the different verbs need to also be more clearly directed at something, for example " At last on entering, i could admiring, studing, wowing, appreciating, cameraing, satifying..... the exhibitions on display" the sentence makes more sense when you add that last piece of information in. You tell the reader WHY on entering you can do these things and what you are doing these things TO. Good luck in your studies, work hard and pay attention to grammatical structure and spelling when you write!
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Just Got back from Shanghai World Expo

last week I was emerging myself in the grand world expo provillions   pavilions of countries, maping, fast moving, looking for, fixing, waiting for the looooong queue, so boring, at last entering, admiring, studing, wowing, appreciating, cameraing, satifying..... which could be concluded with feeling excited and really exausted...but memorable indeed~~~
Maybe it is a good topic for your discuss and would like to share my experience if sb needs.


you can upload those pics on your blog then link us~
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Want to share some my pics in the world expo trip, but could not find where to upload :(

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