Any comnents I leave will be highlighted

My Hometown

In recent years, there have been many changes in this shopping town. I live in Togoshiginza, where I live, and which is known as the longest shopping street in Japan. I will introduce that However, there are other good aspects of the town.

For starters, Togoshiginza is located in a convenient area. The people who live in this town can access five stations by walking within 10 minutues. In addition, if you live in this place, you can go to other prefectures which is such as Saitama, Chiba, and Kanagawa, in about 30-60 min.

Since your previous sentence already was talking about people who live in Togoshiginza, you don't need to mention 'if you live in this place' again

Moreover, although anyone does not know about it, there is atmosphere of both an urban and a downtown atmosphere.

It was easy to understand what you were saying, but I just changed it to sound more natural.

It means that That's because this location is near Gotanda station, JR, Yamanote line, which is a very sophisticated town.

Same as the previous sentence, just making it sound more native.

On the other side, Togoshiginza retains an air of downtown. The people who lives there in sometimes join in the local festival altogether, and young people and elderly people, different generation's persons, communicate with each other.

Finally, the past ten years, Togoshiginza has changed in the past ten years. Although it is unfortunate ly, a lot of owner who own local shops in this shopping town closed their shops. After that, the space has been replaced with fast food shops, and supermarkets, and convenience stores. However, recently new local shops has have increased gradually. The owners, managers, and staff in which that work the shops are part of the young generation. They are active and communicate with local residents. Such a thing makes Togoshiginza exciting. In fact, some of the shops are starting to collaborate with neighborhood people in social projects.

Thus, Togoshiginza has various aspects. It is not only the longest shopping street, but also a convenient and exciting town.

Overall, this was very easy to understand and incredibly interesting. You're grammar problems are mostly just particles, which is good because that means you can easily convey what you want to say. Great work.