Corrections · 3
Some suggested edits. Definitely quite strong over all, and even if all of the idioms and expressions weren't 100% on the money, it all made sense! Hope this helps.
Paragraph 1:
objected to playing cards
confide his secrets in anyone
Paragraph 2:
would do or say ended up with people making fun of him
But, in fact, Henry couldn't deal with the jokes without getting angry
I wish I could be like them
Paragraph 3:
wasn't the kind of man
too young to give in to despair
didn't lose hope
"In the end, everything will work out"
Paragraph 4:
"chap" sounds a bit old-fasioned, even in British English... "guy" could work, but likely too American??
never played tricks on anyone
Paragraph 5:
making life hard on Henry was the senior lieutenant, who hated him at first sight.
must have gotten on his nerves
suffered from looking younger than his age OR had the disadvantage of looking younger than his age
only child and always thought he had been horribly spoiled.
Paragraph 6:
was being extremely mean, Henry couldn't take it any more and told him just what he thought of him.
I'll get revenge on you!
I bet!
for the rest of your life
Paragraph 7:
gave rise to lots of talk OR gave rise to a great deal of talk (but this feels pretty optional to me.)
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