Missing Someone.

Well, it's been a while since we last spoke, well actually just talked without the kerfuffle ("kerfuffle" is a word not used in American English) of complications. You know what I mean. I guess I just wanted to apologize (yes, yet again, another apology) for everything. I know I've said I'm sorry about a billion times and she's probably sick of hearing about it,  but I could never really say it enough for it to measure just how sorry I really am. I know I said a lot of things in the past, and that I asked her never speak to me again because it hurts but it seems that trying to prevent myself from being hurt just hurts more. I told her once a few years ago that I would not be able to handle losing her forever, never being able to talk to her, or just plane plain ("plane" auf Englisch bedeutet  "Flugzeug") losing contact with her and I was being honest. Now I'm just reminded about how right I was, I suppose. And since I last spoke to her, I find myself traveling down a dark road; swirling around like an idiot just trying to hold onto something that makes sense ... that's logical like her she made everything seem to be. The harder I try to forget about her, to move on and just let go of her, the worse it gets.  So I figure if I just give in and let the wind take my words to her, it won't hurt as much. In the end, I don't really know which is worse; because in the end, everything I do reminds me of her.