about family

hey guys, thanks for checking this passage. it is for my students, who are all beginners. I really need your suggestions on revising it. thanks so much!
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Lily is a middle school student. She has a happy family. Her father Fred is a bank clerk. Her mother Susan is a shop assistant. Lily has a good friend, but it’s a pet cat. Its name is Tommy.

In the morning, Fred usually goes to work by subway. Susan often takes the bus. Lily goes to school on foot.

On weekends, Lily sometimes goes for a picnic with her parents. Lily likes chocolate cakes very much, so she always eats a lot of chocolate cake. She doesn’t like bread. She never eats any bread.

It is Lily’s birthday today. They are having a birthday party. Now Lily is watching television with her father Fred. Where is Susan? She is doing the cooking in the kitchen. They are having a good time.

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Good job! I don't think you can really go wrong with something like this. Everything is quite straightforward and will depend on how you teach it to your beginners. Cake is one of those words like 'fish'. Although the plural of cake IS cake, you usually don't say "I'll have some more cakes, please", you say "I'll have some more cake, please!". It's just about common usage.