vanessa的小作文: May 27, 2010

yesterday,guys in our class' basketball team played an excellent match.Of course,we won in the ends!
our college hold basketball match named "say goodbye to senior " every year.we played to the other specialty which we were defested last year. they are strength too,so u can imagine what intensing the match is. two team just kept with pace each other .while,our cheering-sectionscore
cheered so excited but nervous!
luckylly，our guys played much better than before.the score is 32 to24. certianly we got it!
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Yesterday the guys on our basketball team played an excellent match.  Of course we won in the end!  Our college holds a match every year named "Say good-bye to Seniors".  We played to the other team's specialty last year, so we were defeated.  They are strong too, so you can imagine what an interesting match it was this year.  The two teams just kept at it, pacing each other.  All the while our cheerleaders cheered so excitedly, but nervous!  Luckily our guys played much better than last year; the final score was 32 to 24.  Certainly we got it!
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Very good, Vanessa!  You are a strong writer.  I recommend that you put the adjective clause next to the noun you want to modify.  If you separate the two clauses your sentence can become confusing.  There is a famous song:  Throw Mama from the Train a Kiss".  Danny DiVito and Billy Crystal were in the movie, and the guy's Mama gets thrown from the train, not a kiss.

Also please, puntcuation is important.  When we write we want to make the job of reading as easy as possible.  Think of this old man at the other end of what you wrote.  Separate sentences with two spaces, begin a sentence with a capital letter, there is no space before the comma and one space after a comma.  

Keep up the good work, you are doing well.