So overall it would look like this:

Introducing myself - Hello~

Hi~ 
I am learning English because I want to make more friends and work as a fashion buyer. My native language is Korean, and I grew up in China. I am Chinese-Korean. 

I am new Beijinger. I was working in Suzhou before. In China, I am familiar with many places because I traveled for work a lot. I hope to take further trips, maybe become a romantic backpacker, ha ha...but I'll need more energy and better health for this. 

Like most girls, I love fashion, but sometimes I do eye-shopping around department stores because it is also closely connected with my job. Yeah, I love my job - I hope I can get better. 

I love and am willing to join different kinds of clubs. If you know of any interesting clubs in Beijing, pls tell me. I'll be very happy to join in. I also love to go to book bars and spend time with a nice book and cocoa - it is a very happy and cozy thing. 

And speaking of books...I ordered My Mind is an Idiot from amazon.cn, but I only can receive it after 6 weeks. If someone has this and has finished it, pls lend it to me - I can pay.

What's more...I love to meet new people and become friends. Although I look shy and may be silent at first, different people will bring different synergy. 

That's it for today! :D 

I hope that wasn't too complicated. Sorry I had to split it up! Italki wouldn't let me put it all into one correction. Let me know if you have any questions!

And speaking of books...I ordered My Mind is an Idiot from amazon.cn, but I only can receive it after 6 weeks. (I would do the same thing as before with separating the first part of the sentence from "but" with a comma. Also, I'm assuming you meant to say "speaking of books," since you were talking about books in the last part, and now you're talking about books, but in a different situation. When talking about books, make sure you capitalize all the words in the title--except for small words like "in," "of," "is," "the," "an," "and," "or," and other words like them--and put the title in italics [looks like this] or underlined [like this])
If someone has this and has already done finished it, pls lend it to me - I can pay. plspls! (When talking about just one person, you use "has," and you use "have" when talking about multiple people. Also, even though it's technically correct to say "already done," we don't know how long someone has had it, so we don't really need to use "already." Also, a book is usually--not all the time, but usually--"finished," while an action is "done." If you wanted to say, "is done reading it" that would work, too. Just remember to put something like "is" or "has" before "finished" or "done," because you are separating the first action [someone "has this"] with another action [and "IS/HAS finished it"]. Since this seems to be an informal writing, you can write "plspls," but since you said "pls" before, you don't really need it, even though I know you're just trying to emphasize it. I've had to do the same thing haha.).

And what's more (that's the common expression. You could also say "furthermore," "moreover," "In addition," etc. You don't really need the "and," since the last thing you were talking about--the book you want to borrow--is separate from the idea of making new friends)...I love to meet new people and become friends. (Usually to know someone takes time, so you would say "get to know," since "get to" makes it sound like a gradual process. If you wanted to make it something that immediately happens, then you would put "meet." You could also say, "gettING to know knew people and becomING friends," because you're talking about the process of meeting people).
Although I am looks shy and may be silent at first time, But different people will bring different synergy. (If you are something you "are shy," but since you "look" shy, you don't need the "am," which is just an extra verb. Also, you don't need the "s" in "look" since you're referring to yourself. When talking about the first time someone meets you, you could say "I may be silent the first time we meet," but since you have "at," it's best to use the phrase "at first," which means the same thing. You don't need "but" since you have "although" to provide the same meaning at the beginning of the sentence. I would also put in a comma, since you began the sentence with "although," which means you need a second half of the sentence to talk about what we should know even though you are shy).

Today...just it :D (I don't know what you mean here, but it sounds kinda poetic! haha. If you meant to say that that is all you have to say for today, I would write "That's it for today.")

Like most girls do, I love fashion, (if you say "but" in the next part of the sentence, then separate if from the first part with a comma instead of a period. Also, "almost" means "close to," while "most" means "almost all," so if you wanted to say "almost," it would be best to say "almost all girls," but "most" means the same thing, and it's more concise. You also don't need to put "do." We can tell you mean most girls also like fashion. I would put "like most girls" at the beginning, so you can better introduce the main point, which is that you love fashion) but sometimes I do eye-shopping around (you had the "ou" as "uo") department stores because it is also closely connected with my job. Yeah, I love my job - I hope I can get better (Did you mean you hope you could improve at your job? Or did you hope your job would get better, in which case you would write "I hope it can get better." If you're talking about improving, you usually say "get better" instead of "be better," unless you said "be better in the future," since "being better" takes time, and the word "get" implies that. Also, you don't need to make it two sentences. Since you're talking about your job, you could put the dash [this symbol: -] in there to separate both sentences but make them part of the same thought.). 
I love and am willing to join in different kinds of clubs. (You usually put "am" in if you're talking about an emotion and an action. If you didn't have "love" in there, you would have written, "I AM willing to join different types of clubs," but since love is there to separate "I" and the action, "willing," you have to put "am" in there. You also don't need to put "in" in this case, unless you were saying you would "join in" doing an action or "join in on" an action, but in the case of joining a thing, like a club, you can just put "join") If you know of any interesting clubs in Beijing, pls (I assume you know it's spelled "please," so I'll just leave it. You could say "about any clubs" or, if you want to keep "something," "something about any clubs," but "of any" works best, because you seem to be asking if people just know if any clubs exist, not if they know about those clubs. You could keep it at just "club," too, but since you were talking about "clubS" earlier, I figured I would make it plural [more than one]) tell me. I'll be very happy to join in. (you used "join in" correctly here!) And I also love to go to book bars (you could either say "the book bar," or "book bars," but I assumed you liked going to more than just one book bar in the world haha. It's possible to start a sentence with "and," but in this case, it's best to start with "I," since you're referring to yourself, and putting "also" lets us know you do something in addition, so you don't need "and") and spend time with a nice book and cocoa - it is a very happy and cozy thing. (I would put "and" after "book bars" instead of the comma you had, because you're only separating you things: that you love to go to book bars and that you read and drink cocoa there. I would also put "it" before "is" since we need to know that you are referring to going to book bars. Here you could use that dash I was talking about, since you are adding an extra little detail about the experience of being at the book bar. You could also use "way to pass the time" or "pastime" or "activity" or "thing to do" instead of just "thing," since "thing" is usually an unclear word. However, in this case, it kinda works. Sitting and reading and drinking cocoa is a happy and cozy thing :), so you can keep that).

I totally missed this! Welcome to the site (I've only been here slightly longer haha). I know in your native language, you probably aren't used to pointing things out with terms like "I" or "it" or "the" or "a" or "an," so I just added them in where you needed them:

Introducing myself-Hello~

Hi~ 
I am learning English (there are a few places here where there is no space between the commas or periods [these symbols: . and ,] and the next word...I just put a space in, because that's the common structure). because I want to meet make more friends and to work as a fashion buyer. (You can technically say "meet," but usually you "meet" friends at a location, but you seem to be talking about becoming friends with someone, which takes time, so you would use "make") 
My native language is Korean, and I grew up in China. 
I am Chinese-Korean. 
I am new Beijinger. I was working in Suzhou before. 
In China, I am familiar with many places because (but if you wanted to be informal, you could say "cuz" or "'cause") I (always capitalize "I" when referring to yourself) traveled for work a lot. I hope to take further trips (since you don't know how many trips you will take, it's better to make it "tripS" instead of just "trip"), maybe become a romantic backpacker, (haha, that's cool. I lived that life, briefly, myself ^^. I would just say "become," just because the way you talk about it, a "romantic backpacker" seems to be something that would happen after traveling a while, so you would "become" it, as opposed to just "be" it from the start. I would also put a comma before the next part with "ha ha," since you're still talking about being a romantic backpacker). 
ha ha ..but I'll be need more energy and better health for this (if you wanted to say "then," you would have to start with an "if" statement, like "If I want to travel more, then I'll need more energy and better health," but if you put "but" it connects the two sentences just fine to let you know what you need to do in order to travel more. You also don't need to use "be" unless you were saying "I'll be IN need or more energy and better health for this," but that's a little too wordy anyway).