Destiny

I still cannot get to sleep now. So many things in my head. Today I finally accepted the [truth]. I have to stay here, in a city [that] I really really hate. Why? As if I wanted to go out. I always stayed. While I wanted to leave there, I had to go. That's really a joke. I want what I can't get.
While I'm not a positive girl, I'm not sunny and opened.

^^ Not sure what sunny and opened mean in this context. You said you're NOT positive. Did you mean you're not negative, but you're not overly happy and out-going? A bit confused on this.

I am feeling badly now.
I looked at my boyfriend, he is sleeping, I think if he would go to XinJiang to teach children, and I stayed in ShenYang. We cannot keep our relationship for a long time. We might have some problems so that We couldn't trust each other. Even he would always worry about me. I'm a person who hates to explain anything. I thought of a lot of things [that] happened three years ago. I was so hopeful that we could get together after we graduated from our college. I fell in love with another boy, he was the first love for me. But that only lasted six months. From now on I didn't any make any promises anymore.

Now I'm not sure whether I would go the same way.

I have been crying so much times that I rarely couldn't remember.
--This line is confusing. Do you mean to say, "I can't even remember how many times I've cried", or that you can't forget what happened and that's why you cry?

Nobody knew. Because I will show them a pretty me tomorrow.

Some ache must be put in own hearts.
--This is a bit confusing too. Not sure what you mean here. Do you mean to say that you're hiding your pain inside your heart?