IELTS essay
Everybody knows about the freedom when they live in their own home so they try to realize the dream of making a better place for them.Nevertheless people are not able to reach their goals due to lack of money,hence they manege to live in an apartment,although many difficulties have to be faced.
It is clear that there are many advantages of living in a house with compared to the apartment yet the preference is depend on the personal views and financial circumstances.When people live in an apartment they have to take care of all the items provided by the landlord otherwise,they have to pay additional money for broken or lost properties.In addition, according to the contract signed by them,they have to extent the agreement or find another house as soon as the contract period is expired.Therefore it is dangerous for a family which is consisted of cuddly little kids.
However, residing a new house is actually a dream yet many government and privet
banks are ready to help who want financial aids.we should have separate place for us in this world to live as our wish.Even though,people do not have much money ,they live in happy because they have already achieved one of their basic needs.consequently,they can get any decision on the house of repairing,painting,reconstructing etc without considering external person like landlord.They do not want to allowcate money monthly but they can save it in a bank for future purposes.
Thus it is better to live in a house.Even if we are unable to complete it,it would be a benefit for our younger generation to continue it and they will enjoy the life without being dependent on others.
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Your essay is more clear. It would be best for you to write less so that the corrections would be easier to remember. Maybe you could write just one paragraph about something simple like breakfast and then work up from there. Essays and English can be very complex and it's best to take a step back and fix basic things and then work your way up. Just choose a simple subject and write one paragraph about just that subject.
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