fmj's notebook entry: Aug 09, 2010

    With the rapid social and economic development the number of people who study abroad has sharply increased. What a significant change! Undoubtedly this change does reflect a thought provoking social phenomenon which is prevalent among teenagers nowadays. Under this circumstance a few people indicate s that students should be encouraged to study abroad as early as possible, but I insist the opposite, side that students should study abroad at an adequate age.

   What’s reason for this? Mainly there are two reasons. First and formost(one word), we live in a dynamic world with various difficulties, students those who are too young don’t have the ability to deal with them. For example, the majority of them even do not even know how to protect themselves from a hijacking? The Last but not the least, self-control is a key point s to stop students from studying abroad too young. He doesn’t They don't even know the real meaning of his their study. How could you suppose they he  will study as expected you required?

   Numerous examples can be given but this one will suffice. To be honest, I will take one of my classmates as an example. He was an excellent boy studying in the most famous school in our city, and he was one of the best students in his class. But his parents hoped that he would him have a bright future and  they sent him to England for further study. He failed to control himself, and then he engaged in playing computer (games) and lied to his parents for money and refused to return to school again. What a tragedy!

    Hence, study abroad is a double edged sword which can exert profound influence on the growth of young children. If we don’t take it seriously and endeavor to choose an adequate time it we will certainly waste us a great amount of money or time and endanger ing the efficiency of children’s study. On the contrary, if we are more aware of this issue,  kids will lead a positive and fruitful life.


very very good!

Start thinking in paragraphs  when your writing is this long.  Each paragraph represents an idea or piece of what you want to say.  There are no strict rules, just use paragraphs to make the whole piece more understandable to your reader.

In the second paragraph you used they and then switched to he.  Better to be more consistent - I changed the 'he' to 'they' but you could have done the whole paragraph using 'he'.  In the next paragraph you used 'he' in the example which means you went from the general to the specific, which in terms of style works very well.