Academic objectives

Some time ago, when I was thinking about college stuff, I decided that I should make the world better through my profession. From that, I figured out that my studies will be based on sustainable development and how to apply it on developing countries. Since Canada is one of the greenest countries in the world, surely a bachelor's degree from the University of ******* will surely help me with my goals, since Canada is one of the greenest countries around the world. In addition, I will have the opportunity to study at a university that thinks about innovation. Several students have graduated from there and that has already graduated several students who still are having a huge positive impact through the world.

Academic objectives

Some time ago, when I was thinking about college stuff, I decided that I should make the world better through my profession. From that, I figure out that my studies will be based on sustainable development and how to apply it on developing countries. A bachelor's degree from the University of ******* will surely help me with my goals, since Canada is one of the greenest countries around the world. I addition, I will have the opportunity to study at a university that thinks about innovation and that has already graduated several students who still having a huge positive impact through the world.

As a piece of writing, this is a good start and has some interesting ideas that could be more fully developed. I have two style comments that you might consider. The first is that universities don't think. My second comment is that this sentence appears to be mixing two different ideas. Remember that a sentence is one main idea. Longer sentences contain supporting or explanatory detail for the main idea. Your sentence mentions university innovation and several students who... A better way to say this is is to use two sentences. One should focus on the university and the other on the students. In English writing, we like to see detailed explanations. You've said (I think) that the university has innovative programs, but you don't give us any examples. So, the sentence is general and general is...well...boring. Without knowing anything about this university, I have put question marks in my suggested improvements. You might change this sentence to. ...that is innovatively involved in programs (around the world?) which (help to decrease global warming?) In my suggested second sentence about the students, I would add some comment about the projects they are working on or some other such detail.

Keep in mind that writing in English is unlike writing in other languages. I'm not going to compare but only say that I have lived and taught in seven countries and have heard many students say, "But, teacher, in my language we don't add all of this detail and explanation." This is my point because in English, we do go into detailed explanations.

Here is a frame you can use as you continue expository writing. 1) Make your claim, (point, statement) in your first sentence. 2) Add an example or explanation that supports your claim in your next sentence or two. 3) Add some details that show how the example or explanation supports your claim.