A day of Mary
1. Mary usually gets up at 6:30 but she set alarm to go off at 6:20 the night before so she could sleep another ten minutes this morning. It was dark outside and raining again. Mary overslept. Her roommate is an early bird and she had made a pot of porridge for both of them. Instead of taking a bus, Mary jumped onto a Didi without having any breakfast because she was running later.
2. At noon, Mary took a phone from her roommate. That young girl complained to her that one of her earrings had gone. Mary got a shock. That pair of earning was a gift from her roommate's fiance. It was very precious because it had belonged to her fiance's grandma. "It must have been that guy I had met on the subway. I knew he was a thief I had seen him stealing things on the subway before. I just focused on my bag never thought I would lose my earring. What am I going to tell Darcy! " Mary took a long time to consult her roommate.
3. Mary got home at 8:00 pm. Her roommate hadn't come home yet. " Of course, she would stay with her fiance now." Mary thought. She took a bowl and poured some porridge into it. Breakfast became dinner. Suddenly, a tiny thing sparkled in the bowl. Mary stirred the porridge with the spoon, it is an earring out there.
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A day of Mary
1. Mary usually gets up at 6:30 but this morning (need time sequencer at the beginning of clause) she set alarm to go off at 6:20 the night before so that she could sleep for another ten minutes this morning. It was dark outside and raining again and Mary had overslept (try to link sentences more). Her roommate, who is an early bird and she had made a pot of porridge for both of them. But Mary, without having any breakfast, had to jumped into a Didi (?) instead of taking a bus. (Reads better) She was running later.
2. At noon, Mary took a phone call (you take a call, to take a phone is to steal a phone) from her roommate. The young girl complained to her that one of her earrings had gone. Mary got a was in shock (to get a shock is very short like someone hiding and scaring you, to be in shock is to be surprised for longer, about a more improved incident) . That pair of earrings (plural) were a gift from her roommate's fiance. they were very precious because they had belonged to her fiance's grandma. "It must have been that guy I had met on the subway. I knew he was a thief I had seen him stealing things on the subway before. I just focused on my bag never thought I would lose my earrings. What am I going to tell Darcy! " Mary took a long time to consult console (wrong verb) her roommate.
3. Mary got home at 8:00 pm. Her roommate hadn't come home yet. " Of course, she would be staying (for actions continuing at that moment) with her fiance now." Mary thought. She took a bowl and poured some of the left-over porridge into it. Breakfast became dinner. Suddenly, tiny things sparkled in the bowl. Mary stirred the porridge with the spoon, it was the earrings out there.(only used for something outside)
great use of past perfect and speech! Be careful with your plurals.
Was it earrings that were lost, or a ring💍?
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