Search from various English teachers...
Japan flagASAHI Sato
Could you edit it? My friend's essay "Do we need TV or not?" I don't think I need a TV in my life. What do you think? I think my argument is biased, but please listen carefully. First, in terms of the average viewing time per day, there was a decrease of about 9 hours in the 4 years from 2013 to 2017, and especially among teenagers, there was a decrease of about 30 hours. On the other hand, the amount of time spent online has increased by an average of about 23 minutes over the past 4 years, and by about 30 minutes among teens. This indicates that while the average amount of time spent watching TV has decreased, the average amount of time spent on the Internet has been increasing. In other words, they are more committed to the Internet than TV. Next, when it comes to viewing costs, television has a definite downside. It is the payment of NHK broadcast reception fee. The owner of the TV pays about 24000 yen a year in advance for programs that it does not watch often, including BS broadcasts, but fees less than 20000 yen a year for a low-cost SIM card. Wi-Fi costs 7000 yen per year and you can use it as much as you want without worrying about data capacity. The initial cost is also significantly cheaper on the device, and the constant spending is clearly better on the net in terms of performance. It’s up to the individual to decide what to spend money on, but is it a smart choice to spend money on TV when it’s free to watch TV shows online? From these two things, I declare that I don’t need a TV.

Corrections · 3

0
Could you edit it? My friend's essay "Do we need TV or not?"

I don't think I need a TV in my life. What do you think? I think my argument is biased, but please listen {read?} carefully.

First, in terms of the average viewing time per day, there was a decrease of about 9 (nine) hours in the 4 (four) years from 2013 to 2017, and especially among teenagers, there was a decrease of about 30 hours. On the other hand, the amount of time spent online has increased by an average of about 23 minutes over the past 4 (four) [1] years, and by about 30 minutes among teens. This indicates that while the average amount of time spent watching TV has decreased, the average amount of time spent on the Internet has been increasing. In other words, they are more committed to the Internet than TV.
Next, when it comes to viewing costs, television has a definite downside. It is the payment of NHK broadcast reception fee. The owner of the TV pays about 24000 yen a year in advance for programs that it does are not watched [2] often, including BS broadcasts, but fees are less than 20000 yen a year for a low-cost SIM card. Wi-Fi costs 7000 yen per year and you can use it as much as you want without worrying about data capacity {or: overage}. The initial cost is also significantly cheaper on the device, and the constant spending (data consumption, time investment, recurring fees/expenses?) [3] is clearly better on the net in terms of performance. It’s up to the individual to decide what to spend money on, but is it a smart choice to spend money on TV when it’s free to watch TV shows online?

From these two things, I declare that I don’t need a TV.

  1. Technically, numbers less than ten are spelled out in English composition.
  2. You could use passive here to avoid generalizing gender, or pick one: "...for programs that he/she doesn't watch..."
  3. It wasn't clear to me what "constant spending" was in reference to. The "in terms of performance" suggested that it was data consumption, but TVs aren't really "data consumption" in a traditional sense.

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today